my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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