I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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