She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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