so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
