my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
