Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
