she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
