The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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