we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
