I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
