it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
