After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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