You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
