My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
