now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
