I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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