I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
