she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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