Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
