Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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