Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
