If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
