Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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