just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
