chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
