I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
