i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
