If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
