put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
