Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
