oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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