my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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