Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
