He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
