Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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