we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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