so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
