i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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