can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You ate ashes out of my bong
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
