I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
