Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just forgot I was standing up.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
