your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
