do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
