His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
