Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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