Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
