Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
