when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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