i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
