i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
