I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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