u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
